Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis*

I think “have a safe flight” should be replaced with “I hope you have a competent pilot and reliable equipment.”

Unless you’re speaking to an actual pilot.

The average airline passenger has no control over the safety of the flight.
Unless what people really mean to say is, “don’t go crazy and open the exit row door mid-flight.”

But if that’s what they mean, they should definitely say those exact words so the person that they think is capable of opening the plane door in the air doesn’t get their signals crossed.

*Flyte Tyme

(Random Thoughts on) The 2009 BET Awards

Despite my attempts to become a part of the entertainment industry, they’ve decided they’re fine doing business as usual.

Still in a state of…something about the loss of Michael Jackson, at some point on Sunday I found myself looking forward to the BET Awards. Lots of entertainers were in LA, it was BET – it was sure to be the ultimate catharsis.

Nope.
Once again, BET has dropped the ball.

BET was rehearsing the show when we all heard the tragic news.
I’d heard they were going to change the show to honor MJ, and I was actually excited about something that BET was going to do.

I went out to a latin club Saturday night and they played MJ, but only a couple songs.
When I first arrived, the DJ played Billie Jean and I felt it was right to be on the dancefloor as the song was playing, but I didn’t get to get my fill of MJ like I wanted to.

I want to not be able to help it if I wanted to. I wouldn’t help it even if I could. (I wouldn’t help it…no.)
[I Can't Help It lyrics from Off The Wall]

The best way to deal with this is to go to a bar or club and sing and dance to MJ songs for a couple hours.
If you’re a fan.
If you grew up on Mike.
Like I did.
(That’s happening tomorrow night and I’m looking forward to it.)

Anyway, THAT’S what I expected the BET awards to be, but no.

Since it’s over and there are no ideas to steal, here’s what I would have done:

Make sure Jamie Foxx is cool with changing course. He’s the host.
Look at the rundown of the existing show – figure out what can stay and what can go.
For example, I understand Keri Hilson is being built as the next R&B star, so you keep her star-making slot.
Keyshia Cole & Monica – they needed some females performing, but… and Mary Mary?
Beyonce is there to perform and Jay Z has a new single he’s pushing – you make room for them.
The O’Jays are being honored for their career – keep that.
Alicia Keys and Wyclef are using their star power to help people in Africa and Haiti – acknowledge them, as well as the “everyday Black folk” segments.

Soulja Boy. I know the kids like him, but what the fuck is that song?
Eeeh, turn my swag oooon, yeeeah…

I remember when Master P shat upon the scene in the mid 90s.
I remember thinking that the grunting (uungh, na-na na-na) was a passing fad.
There was no way the south could possibly come up with any more insulting, niggardly nonsense than that.
Over 10 years later it’s the most popular form of hip hop.

This is why I don’t have a say in entertainment – no one wants to hear they’re bringing Black culture really close to niggerdom.
Really close.
Like, really close.
People are really concerned with selling out and shucking and jiving, but celebrating the nigger lifestyle and training kids to be mindless little niglets is what’s hot in the streets?

And pull your fucking pants up.

Moving on…

Here’s exactly what was missing – the DJ presses play on an MJ track and lets some performers sing along with their mic turned down to play hype man.

When the show started, it was clear that the crowd was ready for whatever.
No one knew what was going to happen, so you could have taken them anywhere.

Starting the show with New Edition was good.
The problem with that though, was that that’s part of New Edition’s act.
That wasn’t specially prepared for the night, but still it’s great to see New Edition no matter what they’re doing.
Then Jamie Foxx came out with the MJ outfit. That was cool.

What I would have done was either:
introduce a star and start an MJ song at random points in the show and have them play hype man
or
have a medley of hits at some point during the show.

BET did neither.

Another thing I would have tried, was time the breaks so that you could play a song or two going in and out of breaks and people that watch online could see the commercial stuff at bet.com or during the after show – or even a special on BET!

What there was, was two slow songs featuring NeYo.
Nothing against NeYo, but talk about dropping the ball.
Wow.
Lady in My Life and I’ll Be There are great songs, but wasn’t the whole point to celebrate Michael?

As for what was, Soulja Boy’s song is horrible.
The Lil Wayne bit was boring.
Beyonce’s Ave Maria mashup was boring, though she is quite attractive.
Jamie’s Blame It (On the Alcohol) was cool. Still weird that they had to bring a white drummer into a roomful of Black people, but whatever.
Jay Z’s song was cool, but like all Jay Z songs, it has a great beat that I eventually zone out of.

Don Cornelius is a legend, but someone should have watched how the run through went because that dude was fucking boring.
It would have been disrespectful to cut the young guys singing O’Jays songs since that’s how appreciation award presentations go, but it was meh at best.
The O’Jays showed how it’s done. There’s a reason those guys keep going.
You know what was interesting that will be brushed over – the O’Jays thanked their choreographer.
While they performed, they had moves. They looked sharp.

Best I could tell, the “major changes” BET made was to have C-list singers share their thoughts on MJ.
Revolutionary.
Not listing the nominees?
Masterful.

Here’s the problem with BET – Stephen Hill.
I have never been to BET, I’ve never sat in a meeting.
I do see this guy’s name all over everything and I see the quality of BET slipping further and further downhill.
What’s with Jamie not knowing if he’s on the air or not numerous times throughout the night?
Shouldn’t that be someone’s job?

When the head of BET, Debra Lee, called out for Stephen to show his face, there he was – ready to be seen with his Michael Jackson shirt on.

While we’re at it, why is Tigga off to the side?
Terrence and Rocsi are nice enough, but swap their roles with Tigga and Tocarra and make Black music grow the fuck up.

The lesson I learned, is that I should never look forward to anything on BET ever again.
Ever.

The BET Awards left me unsatisfied.

ALM52: They Come, They Go

Michael Jackson
1958-2009

Rest in Peace.
Thanks.

There’s some of Michael’s music in this one.
Also, an MJ-related reason why I’m really beginning to despise human interaction.

Can’t Get Far Enough

I said: you look nice.
She heard: you’re the filthiest whore from the planet Herpetron.
————————————
As one situation comes to an end, another crops up in it’s place.

I’ll admit that moving to a densely populated area wasn’t the wisest choice, but I think be it 50,000 or 50 people, the assholes are going to flock to me.
I seem to be without a say in the matter.

I make the constant mistake of trying to integrate, when it’s abundantly clear I should be segregating.
Many years of building and so little time to knock it down.

I still have to maintain the fort though.
Progress on the big picture is an encouragement.
————————————
The Germs.
Oh, the germs.
They attach themselves like the viruses they are.

You’re not as cleverly shrouded by your technological vagina as you’d like to believe.
————————————
I wonder if the same protective service that’s been around in the past is still functioning.
If so, I would request not holding back.
Do not hold back.

I can identify three.
People say things happen in threes?
Well I have three.

All three decided their paths.
They should be redirected in a way that resonates.
The next time they think of going down that path, or revisiting this path, they should shudder at the thought of being so unrepentantly sinister.
————————————
I really was fine until I decided to communicate.
————————————
One last bit.

If everything happens for a reason, what’s the purpose of nothing happening?

Let’s say the energy that is used by the universe to maintain my situation is used to help.
What if the extermination of these three elements opens up energy that could be used positively instead of negatively?
Why do I even have to suggest this?
Why isn’t it automatically done?
What is the purpose of the consistent displeasure?
When does it end?
What is the reason?
What was the crime that precipitated this punishment?
What is this all for?

I’d Work at McDonald’s Part Time

I’m serious.
A few nights a week and a weekend day or two.
Why not?

It’s not like I don’t need the money.

With the amount of people out of work, I don’t understand how fast food “restaurants” – let’s go with joints.
Fast food joints.

As I was saying…

With the amount of people out of work, I don’t understand how fast food joints continue to operate with the mindless pieces of shit I see behind the counters.

I was going into a WalMart (with a McDonald’s) the other day and an elderly Black woman in one of those electric riding carts asked me to buy her a cheeseburger, and she handed me a dollar.

I say OK and as she hands me the dollar, she asks for fries too.
I say OK, what the hell and I go in the McDonald’s.

I was ignored by the chick at the register for about 2 and a half minutes.
I know that’s not a long time, but standing at a counter it is.
Plus, I was on a beer run and I wanted to get to where I was going so time was a factor.

I accepted that the girl behind the counter was maybe clocking out, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but when the next asshole decided to stand around and act like I wasn’t there, I asked “is anyone taking orders here?”

As I get older, a lot of the things I wouldn’t do for whatever reason, I find easier to do – like calling strangers on their dumb shit.
Plus, if I were eating the cheeseburger and fries myself, I wouldn’t have said shit because I’ve seen that movie Waiting.
I don’t say shit to people in restaurants besides please and thank you.

So the d-bag behind the counter reluctantly takes my order and lets me know how displeased that he is that he has to do it.
THIS is an example of how I would be a whole lot better, part time, in a McDonald’s than a lot of the floaters they have working in there now.

One last note on my “People Are Shit*” parade: the woman I bought the burger and fries for was at the exit of the WalMart as I was walking out with my beer.
She asked me if she could have a dollar for a cheeseburger.

*When I say people are shit, I don’t mean you, dear reader. It’s all of those OTHER people.

I Saw Some Movies

Real quick.

The Hangover: This will be enjoyed for years. Don’t bother watching this edited. Shamefully, on TBS in 3 years, half of Zach Galifinakis’ dialogue will be cut. Worth your time? If you’re aware of what this is going in, go for it.

The Taking of Pelham 123: boring. Travolta is good, but not good enough to endorse this one. I do want to see the original though.

Year One: If you like Jack Black, Michael Cera or Harold Ramis, you’re good. If you liked Dogma, you should be OK. If you’re expecting a laugh a minute, don’t bother. If you like Judd Apatow or recognize the name, you’re good.
Did I like it? Yes.
Can I recommend? No.

I want to see Up and I am not a fan of computer animated movies.
I think I’m going to see Transformers 2 – despite the fact that I didn’t like the first one. Curiosity is winning that battle.

I JUST PAID OFF MY CREDIT CARD!!!

When I moved to Orlando, I had a plan in mind.
No matter what else happened, I was going to be out of debt in 5 years.

I’m on the way and this is one of the pillars of debt that I was chained to.
Honestly, I don’t even know where the card is right now.
I should have it for emergencies, but I don’t even want the thing around.

A realization came to me like a sign from God a few years back.
I had a Discover card – the card that fucks you back.
I don’t know what the design is of modern day Discover cards, but on mine, the last four digits were on a metallic background.

The last four numbers were 1830.
(This is one of those too good to be true stories.)
The card was upside down and the way the sun hit those numbers, 1830 looked like the word DEBT.
To me, that was as clear a sign as I could ever receive.

A woman could say “I love,” stop to blow me and then say “you” and I would still be questioning her motivation.
I’m not bright.
But to see the word DEBT shining in the sun – on my credit card – was one of those eye opening moments.

So years later, this morning, the last of the credit cards are done!!!

Student loan – it’s me and you.
You’ve been on my back for years and now it’s mano a mano.
You’re goin’ down sucka!
I’m going to be ferocious on your shit like Clubber Lang as if the second half of Rocky III never existed.
And I’ma fuck your pretty wife.
And Sallie Mae is gonna love me 3 ways to Sunday.
That’s right – I’m going to rape Sallie Mae*.

*Like David Letterman, I don’t condone rape.

I had a 5 year plan that’s working out.
Maybe I should apply the certainty that my 5 year plan will work out to other aspects of my life.
If I can get those thousands of dollars off my back, I should get back to rewriting scripts and recording podcasts.

One thing at a time.

No Way Jose!

Now I’m Up

I was just about to crossover into Dreamland when something moved across my wall.
I did not have the option to ignore this.
Using about 18% of my lightening fast ability to move, I turned on the light to find the biggest spider I’d ever seen.

A little cat and mouse later, one of us is dead and one is writing on their blog.
Who’s the winner here?

Actin’ Funny & I Don’t Know Why

The lyric has nothing to do with this post, but as I was trying to come up with something as clever as “Hollywood Can Suck My Dick,” these words popped in my head.

OK

Just to prove that I don’t make this shit up —–> here’s a link.

If you want to keep it on this page, here’s the highlights:

DreamWorks has picked up “The Defenders,” a family adventure project conceived by “Heroes” actor Masi Oka to be produced by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. D.J. Caruso is in negotiations to direct, and Gary Whitta is on board to write the script.

“You can be whoever you want to be,” he said. “The question came to me: What if you had to live up to the person you created in the virtual world?”

Listen, I understand that I am starting to sound like an angry writer, but I’m an angry writer.
Mind you, I’m not hating on Masi Oka, I’m just pointing out how inane my desires seem to be.

Basically, the teleporting guy from Heroes played an online role playing game and while joking around with his buddies said, “hey, wouldn’t it be funny if the people that played these games had to do the adventures themselves?”

A few meetings later, he’s the executive producer of this unnamed movie with top tier players at Dreamworks, (possibly) a name director and a studio (or whatever Dreamworks is these days) that makes huge movies happen.

Guess it’s about being in the right position.
At least Masi Oka isn’t the offspring of an existing celebrity.

Meanwhile, for the people that are dying for the opportunity to enhance the cultural landscape that has been obsessed with a hilarious stunt pulled on the country by Sacha Baron Cohen and Eminem –

SIDEBAR: Dear American media, you dumb fucking assholes. Did you not see Borat? Are you not aware of what Bruno is – pointing out how ridiculous people’s reactions to stunts are? Are your heads so far up your own asses that you spent three days being the butt (heh heh) of the joke? Three days of “was it real” makes the American media the victims of a Bruno gag. You dumb fucking assholes.

As I was saying, people that spend a lot of time, thought and energy writing screenplays are headed to LA for Pitchfest.
This is an event where hundreds of writers pay $250-650 to pitch their script ideas to production representatives.

So here’s the alternatives: spend time writing and spend money going to events like Pitchfest or be Masi Oka and have an idea for a flick while playing World of Warcraft.
That brilliance hasn’t helped me give a shit about Heroes.
What happened to that show?

For someone’s big dreams to work, there has to be little people. Some people are simply meant to be the little people.

Hollywood Can Suck My Dick

In the last couple weeks, I’ve read about three adaptations that could be offensive.

First, Battleship.
Like the game.

Act One: D6. Miss.
Act Two: B4. Miss.
Act Three: F2. Hit.

Then comes Battleship II.

Next, Heathcliff.
Heathcliff was an afternoon cartoon at the end of decent cartoons.
Remember Hector, Wordsworth and Mongo?
You probably do.
Do you give a shit?
How about the star of the show?

Wasn’t this a shitty comic strip too?
(For the kids, people my age used to read newspapers. In the newspapers, there was a comics section where people would enjoy cartoons, jumbles and horoscopes.)

Mary Worth can’t be too far behind.
Marmaduke is on deck.
The Wizard of Id and Andy Capp are very excited.

Finally, the most insulting of the trilogy of suck: Bazooka Joe.
Shitty gum, shitty comic strip and now a shitty movie.

Hooray for Hollywood!

Living The Dream

So I was at work and I passed a coworker who had been dealing with work-related issues for the last few days. This particular morning, he looked like he’d gone through the ringer…and this was at 8:15am.

I give him an “I feel your pain” nod and he replies, “and how are you doing?”

“Living the dream,” was my reply.

Without missing a beat, the guy says, “whose dream is it?”
And we both said “wake them up!”

So we both got a little levity that morning and I experienced a great response to the sarcastic (and still great) “living the dream” line.

Breaking Bad

WARNING: This post contains series spoilers. If you plan to watch the show fresh, DO NOT READ THIS POST!

Have you seen this show?
It’s on AMC Sunday nights at 10.
The first season is on DVD and the second is wrapping up.

Here’s what the show is about:
Bryan Cranston (the dad from Malcolm in the Middle) plays Walter White, a high school chemistry teacher with a second job at a car wash.
His wife Skyler is pregnant with their second child and his son has some kind of palsy, MD – some disability.
Then Walter gets diagnosed with cancer.

So with all of this over his head, he links up with one of his past worst students, Jesse, and they partner up to cook meth.

In addition to all of this, there’s crazy drug dealers, murders, a head gets crushed by an ATM, a body dissolves in acid – general fun elements of the life of a meth cooker and dealer.

Walter uses his know-how of chemistry to cook the best meth in the southwest (the show takes place in either New Mexico or Arizona).
Also, his brother-in-law is a DEA agent.

In one episode, they explain that Walter used to be partners with some guy that went on to become a multi-millionaire from an invention that Walter helped develop, but for some reason, Walter got shut out.

The bottom line is that things just don’t go right for Walter White.

So as this second season wraps up, Jesse hooks up with a junkie who discovers that Walter has yet to give him his share of their latest sale & is owed $250,000. She then chooses to blackmail Walter, as opposed to simply waiting.

This junkie has turned Jesse, who was formerly just into meth, onto heroin.

Now mind you, to this point, Walter and Jesse have been through the ringer.
When I say the ringer, there have been some pretty INTENSE episodes of this show and this was finally the big score.
Walter has lied to his family all so he could provide for them and their future. After all, Walter was under the impression that he was dying from the cancer.

So this junkie girlfriend calls Walter at his house – a HUGE no no.
Walter was with his newborn daughter and his wife tells him he has a phone call.
On the other end, Walter hears this girl telling him that if he doesn’t bring Jesse’s money immediately, she’s going to tell the cops, the DEA, the school where he works and his family what he’s up to.

So Walter brings the money to Jesse and figures that this partnership has been destroyed. He can’t trust his junkie partner or his junkie girlfriend who tells Walter that he has no guarantee that she’ll remain silent – even though he’s delivered the money!!!

Walter goes to a bar for a beer to mourn the loss of his partner, but at the bar, there’s a guy who tells him that you can’t give up on family, which is what he considers Jesse.
So Walter goes back to Jesse’s house and lets himself in the back door to find Jesse and the girl high and passed out.
Walter shakes Jesse so he can talk to him and try to repair the relationship and set Jesse straight, but in the process, the girl rolls onto her back and begins to vomit.

Now this is why I’ve written all of this to this point.
In all of my years watching television and movies, I have really been disappointed in characters doing dumb shit and submitting to the whims of despicable characters.

Finally, Breaking Bad’s Walter White has acted in a way that made me glad that I watch the show.

Walter’s first reaction seeing the girl vomit is to help, but then he stops.
As I was watching it, I was begging Walter to remain motionless.
And he did.
The girl died.
Choked on her own vomit.

Good for Walter.
Fuck her.

She was willing to destroy all that Walter had built in his life.
She had no problem telling him that by delivering the money, he was in no way cleared of future harassment.
She was a new problem.

And then she wasn’t a problem.

Tony Soprano killing Christopher was evil.
I don’t see Walter’s lack of action to be that bad.

Maybe things are turning around for Walter White.

ALM51: Good Humor

Another podcast!
Currently on pace to produce 12 this year!

ALM51: Good Humor

Can I Talk About Eminem?

I like Eminem.
I do.

I’m glad Relapse is out and I’m glad to hear it.

In the process of getting reacquainted with Marshall, I’ve been reading articles about what he’s been up to – taking pills.

Sorry to hear about Proof. That sucks to have your friend shot and killed, but Em was on the pills before that happened.

According to the Vibe magazine (”what am I going to do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe magazine?” – Office Space) article, Em has been heavy on pills for years. If you’re into Em, it’s interesting to read. He is dealing with some heavy stuff.

Here’s my question and issue with this revelation: what about all of that Hailey stuff? Eminem famously has a daughter named Hailey. He sings about her and as a father should, he cares about her.

I’m far from being in Marshall’s position, so I can’t imagine what he’s going through, but all I ever heard from him was that he hated touring because he was away from his daughter.
But once the tour is over, he’s mentally going away by taking pills. Physically away going to rehabs and hospitals.

Again, don’t get me wrong, the right pill at the right time is fine with me (on one level), but you can’t play the kid card as hard as Em does and then not live up to it.

And what about 50 Cent? All of that talk he does about how Em is his buddy, where is he during the times Em wouldn’t get out of bed? Is this what qualifies as a friend?

And Dr. Dre? Dre’s son just died from an overdose a few months ago. Sorry to hear it, but is he content wearing those $500 headphones while people around him die?

Personally, when someone calls me their friend and I don’t feel the friendship, I find it offensive. You’re patronizing me and doing a disservice to the beautiful pleasure of having a genuine friend.

So I hope Marshall can stay off the pills and make a lot of good music. I hope 50 Cent never makes another song and fades to obscurity with his Vitamin Water money. I hope Dre can impress me with his production because hearing the sources of his Chronic beats leaves me unimpressed with Dr. Dre.
(Dre pretty much lifted most of that album while being hailed as one of the greatest producers. I covered this on one of the podcasts.)

While I’m here, if your product comes in a variety of flavors and colors, it’s not water. Just like if I don’t feel loyalty or share a trust with a person, we’re not friends. It’s an artificial version of something that is real and enduring and can literally save lives.

Colored sugar water and false friendship are both insincere, but millions of people enjoy both, so what do I know?
Maybe from now on I’ll call grape Kool-Aid “water” and secure my next supermarket cashier to be an usher at my wedding.

Hollywood Nepotism

If you want a job these days, it seems you have to know someone.

If you want a job in Hollywood, it’s based on penises and vaginas:
1) whose penis and vagina you shot out of or
2) whose penis or vagina you’re willing to let shoot on you.

Since my parents’ only association with cinema was being an extra in some movie (Mom) and looking like a Shaft-era Richard Roundtree (not Mom), most of our chances are limited.

I’m not going to lie to you: I’m disgusted every time I see Kim Kardashian. I am angry that I know Spencer Pratt’s name. This whole genre of people that are famous for doing absolutely nothing is insulting to people that write and create and try to make things that will genuinely entertain people.
Paris Hilton?

Let me note that this post is exactly why these people exist. That notion that ‘bad press is better than no press’ and ‘it will all work out based on the fact that once people get used to seeing you that they will come to accept you.’
This is what the agents and managers bank on. There is a part of me that is mad at myself for even addressing these herpes, but when I was in the supermarket and a picture of Kim Kardashian was on the cover and the topic was her cellulite, it evoked a negative emotional response. To put my thoughts at the time into words, I’d go with “what the fuck is this dumb shit?”

It doesn’t seem fair that the top casting agency in Hollywood is called The Nepotism Agency, but it is what it is.

Honestly, it makes me care a lot less for certain actors when I see them wake up, roll out of bed, have a few comfortable years of living a privileged life and got handed movie roles.

BULLSHIT!!!

I was getting ready to compile a list of famous offspring, but I decided to google it first. This is a list I found, but it isn’t complete. Check these out:
Miley Cyrus – The daughter of country music star Billy Ray Cyrus.
Kate Hudson – Daughter of actress Goldie Hawn and singer Bill Hudson.
Colin Hanks – Son of actor Tom Hanks.
Liza Minelli – The daughter of actress/singer Judy Garland.
Lorna Luft – The daughter of actress/singer Judy Garland.
MIguel Ferrer – The son of Rosemary Clooney and Jose Ferrer – and incidentally – cousin of George Clooney.
Shooter Jennings – The son of Walylon Jennings
Norah Jones – Daughter of sitarist Ravi Shankar
Matthew & Gunnar Nelson – Twin sons of singer Ricky Nelson.
Bijou Phillips: Daughter of John Phillips
Chynna Phillip: Daughter of John Phillips
MacKenzie Phillips: Daughter of John Phillips
Wendy Wilson: Daughter of Brian Wilson
Carnie Wilson: Daughter of Brian Wilson
Lisa Marie Presley- Daughter of Elvis Presley
Bonnie Raitt: Daughter of John Raitt
Jeff Bridges – Son of actor Lloyd Bridges
Beau Bridges – Son of actor Lloyd Bridges
Nancy Sinatra – Daughter of Frank Sinatra
Robin Thicke – Son of actor Alan Thicke
Kiefer Sutherland – Son of actor Donald Sutherland
Carrie Fisher – Daughter of actress Debbie Reynolds
Mariska Hargitay – Daughter of actress Jayne Mansfield
Jamie Lee Curtis – Daughter of actress Janet Leigh and actor Tony Curtis
Bryce Dallas Howard – Daughter of Ron Howard
Isabella Rossellini – Daughter of actress Ingrid Bergman
Charlie Sheen – Son of actor Martin Sheen
Emilio Estevez – Son of actor Martin Sheen
Michael Douglas – Son of actor Kirk Douglas
Sean Astin – Son of actress Patty Duke and actor John Astin
Angelina Jolie – Daughter of actor John Voigt
Jane Fonda – Daughter of actor Henry Fonda
Peter Fonda – Son of actor Henry Fonda
Bridget Fonda – Daughter of actor Peter Fonda
Melanie Griffith – Daughter of actress Tippi Hedron
John Ritter – Son of Tex Ritter
Jaden Smith – Son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Freddie Prinze, Jr. Son of the late Chico and the Man star Freddie Prinze.
Ben Stiller – Son of Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller
Joely Richardson- Daughter of actress Vanessa Redgrave

So that’s 40 and although there’s “singers” in the mix, I think this is clear evidence that something’s amiss (like they say in the Blues Traveler song).

Kate Hudson? Maybe it’s because I’m not a white woman that I don’t see the appeal.

Now let’s hit a few that aren’t on the list:
The previously mentioned Paris and Kim Kardashian are both daughters of wealth.

Then there’s Nicholas Cage, who may be my least favorite actor actively working today. He’s a nephew of Francis Ford Coppola. While we’re here, Sofia Coppola, while an interesting director, is also the offspring of fame. Oh yeah, Jason Schwartzman – fine actor, part of this family as well (nephew of FF Coppola, cousin of Ghost Rider – by the way, thank God that movie exists).

Now let’s talk about one of the most gleefully Caucasian show of the 90s: Friends. Matthew Perry’s dad – actor. Jennifer Aniston’s parents? Actors.

Rashida Jones from The Office and Parks and Recreation – daughter of Quincy Jones.
Jason Ritter is out there. He’s the son of Jack Tripper/John Ritter, who is also on the list above. We’re talking third generation here.
Brooke Hogan, daughter of Hulk.
Director Jake Kasdan is the son of writer/director Lawrence Kasdan.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s mom is Blythe Danner & her dad’s a director.
Laura Dern’s dad is Bruce Dern and mom’s Diane Ladd.
Lenny Kravitz, Robert Downey Jr., Sylverster Stallone‘s son in Rocky 5, Jessica begat Ashley Simpson, Britney begat Jamie Lynn Spears…
On and on.

There’s more.
A lot more.

Point is, there’s a lot of famous people’s kids being thrown in our collective faces like a dog having its nose mashed in its own feces.

I always busted on Renee Zellweger for looking like she just got finished sucking on a lemon, but since she isn’t the daughter of an actor, I may have to reevaluate my feelings on her.

Nicholas Cage and Kate Hudson are officially the king and queen, the faces of the brother and sister who fuck in the mountains and make a small bus baby – the Hollywood version.

New Category: Links

When this began, one of the ideas was that I’d use the site as a place to drop cool/interesting stuff I came across online.
Now is a fine time to start.

Let’s start with the links in the links bar & why they’re there.

The AudioLoveMagic Podcast – blah blah blah set to music.

Diversion.com – Topher’s site. Maybe one day he’ll do something with it.

AllyAl’s Podcast – I was on another board and this guy posted A LOT of music. So much that I had to send an email to thank him (comments are currency). I’m talking A LOT of GOOD music. After a while, AllyAl started doing his own mixes and this is the link to his mixes.

What Would Tyler Durden Do? – Pictures of celebrities. I know, you’ve seen it. The difference is, WWTDD focuses on hot celebrities. Also, instead of the wit coming from dicks and jizz crudely drawn on people’s faces, WWTDD has made me laugh out loud many, many times with their commentary. This is a site I visit daily.

The Everydude – I came across this blog by accident, but I’m glad I did. Matt’s a writer with a blog. I can identify. We exchanged emails and agreed to post links on each other’s sites. If I didn’t like his stuff, I wouldn’t have his link up. This is how you build an audience. I read it in a book, so it must be true.

And a couple for the road:

Growing up, Mad magazine was the king. Cracked magazine was waaaay down on the list of preferences.
Online, however, Cracked seems to be making itself a presence when it comes to humorous writing and quick, clever articles and lists.
Since I’ve found myself impressed more than a few times, here’s a link: Cracked.

Finally, a link from work: Hey, It’s Free! or Hey! It’s Free! (depending on where you look)
As you may have gathered, it’s free stuff. I can’t vouch for the validity of everything, but it’s worth an occasional click.

The Greatest American Hero

I understand Ralph Hinkley.

In the TV show The Greatest American Hero, this high school teacher took his class on a field trip and he has an encounter with some aliens who give him a super suit.

The suit comes with an instruction book, which Ralph loses.

So now here’s Ralph with this incredible suit, which comes with these cool powers, but he has no idea how to use them.

I understand Ralph Hinkley.

I feel like I have this power, energy – something – that is at my disposal, but I have no idea how to use it.

I feel like I use it from time to time and it benefits me, but I don’t understand it.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like to fully understand my power and use it to it’s potential.

Why Waste It?

An intern on my job just graduated from college and a card went around.
When it was my turn to sign, I wanted to write the following:

Congratulations! Expect the worst: nothing will surprise you and you get good news everyday.

I like it.
Maybe I’m getting crotchety in my old(er) age, but I find a nice coat of pessimism in the morning helps make the day less disappointing.
When you expect shit to happen, you already have plastic bags on your shoes.

Company Lay Off

I’ve been laid off three times in my life.

The first was from Carlson Wagonlit Travel.
It was a call center. I was making $14 and change an hour.
I wasn’t setting the world on fire and it felt like a bit of a dead end, but I liked the job.
And I liked the people I worked with, who were the most random group of Mos Eislians you would ever meet.
The whole place worked together, but my immediate cubemates included a coked up shit talker, an effeminate heterosexual(?) married family man who loved nothing more than dancing to Britney Spears – and when I say dancing, you had to see it to fully comprehend the levels I’m talking about here. The guy walked right out of a Christopher Guest movie, but once you got past it, he was cool.
Finally, because I’m going to tell her this post exists, an Italian princess who in any other life would have been a random stranger passing, but once Gina and I got past ourselves, we forged one of those relationships via circumstance that kind of creeps up on you in a good way.

One of the benefits of working in travel, was that you got a shitload of discounts. Hotels in Times Square for free or marked down 80%, my first time flying first class happened because of my travel agent card.

When the layoffs happened at Carlson, four of us (not the cubemate four, a different four) were about to rent a townhouse together.

So that was my first layoff. Not the best job, but a lot of cool people.
There were two rounds of layoffs. The first was fucking uncomfortable. The office was 80% women (and 10% gay men) so there was a lot of crying.
I’m not much of a crier, but you can’t avoid that uncomfortable feeling when you’re around criers…unless the criers are assholes, in which case I sop their tears with biscuits and eat them.

The first layoff is kind of a daze. Because I was a part of the second round and the interim talking cushioned the blow, it wasn’t as shocking as it could have been, but it’s incredibly unsettling.

The second layoff happened when I moved to Orlando and it was my first job as a copywriter. I had my own office, I was making decent money and again, I had cool coworkers and I loved going to work in the morning.
That’s an underrated experience – waking up and looking forward to going to work.
Naturally, the company I worked for was bought by a larger company, so I lost my job.

The third layoff was another copywriter job.
This one was for an ethically grey online travel company.
The creative writing I was doing was talking up this company that was shitting on the hopeful people that thought they were involved with the opportunity of a lifetime.
I felt dirty working there, so while that layoff hurt, it was a bit of a relief.

All of those layoffs happened in times that jobs weren’t in abundance, but nowhere near as crazy as they are now.

Yesterday, my current company laid off about 50 people. When the company is around 270 people, you notice.

The first thing that happened Friday morning was I got an email saying that if I was reading the email, I wasn’t going to be affected by immediate changes that were going to happen.
Then I went to a meeting that happened to be in the area where a bulk of the layoffs were going on.
People being escorted out with cardboard boxes – people I passed everyday. Didn’t know them all by name, but there was
- Asian guy with spiky hair,
- older white guy who could have been Jim Henson’s apprentice,
- light skinned Black guy who probably had a hot wife,
- the ‘too involved’ guy with bad skin and greasy hair,
- my main man Pimpin Don Brown,
- Peter the Russian artist who was right out of central casting…

I left the meeting I was in early because I couldn’t stand being in that room while all of this was going on.
Plus, I had to see about my fate and I wasn’t about to sit in a boring ass meeting if I was about to get canned.

Fortunately for me, the ax swing missed my head, but not the guy across from me who just got married and is on his way to England to meet his new wife’s family. Or the woman up front. Or my manager.

So now there’s a bunch of empty cubes and that uneasy feeling has climbed right back on my back.

I’m grateful to have a job.
I am grateful to have a job.

Now’s not the time to be looking for work.

I’m going to post a podcast soon. In this podcast, I am going to share a job related experiment I conducted.
The results of this test have left me amazed.
Places me in an ethically grey area myself, but I think you’ll find it interesting.